Birth Stories

Ellis Timothy Ballard (Born: 8/29/22)

I was very excited and nervous to have an unmedicated birth. Knowing that this was likely going to be my only child, I wanted to experience it all, including the pain. I knew that our bodies were created to do this magnificent thing, and I wanted to know what it was like. All I had ever heard about labor was how terribly painful it is, but once I read about and listened to other women’s birth stories, I learned how rewarding it can be. I knew I would need a doula to help me through the process, and I was beyond grateful to have had Kristen as my doula. She made the entire experience wonderful. Also, a lot of the details of this story were recounted by Kristen, she kept up with the timeline once I went into labor and provided it to me after Ellis was born. What a gift. 

My estimated due date was August 29, 2022. I was getting very anxious as I approached my delivery date because I didn’t want to be induced. Although my OB was supportive of my birth plan and knew I wanted spontaneous labor, she also said she would want to induce me one week after my due date. I had a doctor’s appointment on Friday, August 26^th for a membrane sweep. She said that because I was only 1cm and because my cervix was still thick, it was basically a 50/50 shot that it would start labor. The plan was to do it again that following Tuesday if it hadn’t happened by then. I was getting more anxious.

Up to this point I had been doing everything I had read to do that would naturally induce labor safely. Sunday afternoon, August 28^th, I was at the pool with my husband, Greg, and texting with a friend of mine. My friend asked me, “any action?” I told her, “Not yet!!”, and that I thought I had lost some of my mucus plug the day before, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. I also told her that I had lots of cramping the previous night but that had been going on for weeks. She encouraged me by saying that it sounded like my body was getting ready. My response to her was, “I’m hoping so!! I’m thinking I make it to my appointment Tuesday morning and after she does the next sweep, maybe that does the trick. I really don’t want to be induced!” Another reason I didn’t want to be induced is because I knew that it often leads to more medical interventions. It just wasn’t what I wanted for my birth experience, so I prayed Ellis would make his debut that week!

That Sunday evening after dinner I started to have mild, inconsistent contractions. Around 10:30pm I decided it was time to at least inform Kristen because they had started getting more intense. I was lying in bed, and I told my husband that this could be it, Ellis may be coming. It was hard to know for sure, but these contractions felt different. About 20 minutes later I stood up to go to the bathroom, and my water broke! It wasn’t a huge gush, but I knew this was it. I called Kristen and she told me to try and get some rest. My plan was to labor at home as long as possible. About 30 minutes later Kristen texted me back and said to call the nurse line because they may want me to come in sooner since I was GBS+. Because of this I would have to get an antibiotic administered a couple of hours before I delivered. The nurse said to go ahead and come in, so around 12:00am Greg and I started for the hospital. 

When we got to triage, I was dilated to 3cm. About an hour and a half later, we finally got settled in our room and we both tried to get some rest. It wasn’t long before my contractions started to get much more intense. I was lying on my side and holding the bed railing as I worked through a few contractions. Kristen messaged me around 3:30am to check in and I told her I couldn’t get any rest because of my contractions. She suggested side lying with pillows for as long as it was comfortable. I told her to maybe start heading my way around 6:00am. A couple of hours passed, and I had moved from the bed to a birth ball. I felt like I couldn’t stay still. The pain was rough, and I started to get horrible back pain which was causing nausea. I threw up multiple times. Kristen was on her way and suggested Greg do some hip squeezes. They provided relief and made the contractions much more manageable. Kristen showed up around 6:45am and started a diffuser with lavender, and Greg turned on spa music. I remember feeling a sense of calm. I don’t think I got sick again after that. We started to do the rotisserie, since contractions were causing pain in my back. Kristen and Greg switched off on performing hip squeezes and massaging with clary sage oil. My contractions were roughly 3-5 minutes apart, lasting between a minute to a minute and a half.

Sometime around 8:00-9:00am I was 5cm and about 90% effaced. We took a walk up and down the hall to try and get more pressure on my cervix. Around 9:45am as I was on the birth ball, Kristen suggested I work through a contraction without the counterpressure to see if I still felt pain in my back, which I did not. She said that this was a good indication that Ellis had made his rotation and was in a good position. Greg had gotten the nurse to work on filling the tub. At this point, my contractions were roughly 4-6 minutes apart and still lasting between a minute to a minute and a half. I did a few more contractions that way and Kristen reminded me to relax my hands and shoulders.

At 10:15am the tub was filled, and I got in. I laid my head back on my pillow and felt instant relief and relaxation. I lost more of my mucus plug so progress was being made! After I had been in the tub for about 45 minutes, Kristen noticed my contractions had spaced out, so she suggested getting on my knees and leaning on the tub for a while. I started to vocalize through my contractions as they were becoming much more intense. I stayed this way for about 15 minutes and my lower back started to hurt so I returned to lying down with my head on the pillow. I was still vocalizing through contractions, and I told Kristen and Greg that I was about to say the code word (which meant I had changed my mind and wanted the epidural). A few more minutes went by, and I said the “word”. Kristen asked if I was sure, and I nodded. She suggested doing one more contraction in the tub before getting out to have the nurse check me. She informed me later that her gut was telling her that I had hit transition. 

Around 1:00pm I returned to bed and laid down on my left side. I was cold so Kristen and Greg kept me warm by gently rubbing my legs through a couple contractions. Then my body started to push at the peak of a contraction, and I said, “I didn’t mean to do that”, thinking I was supposed to wait to be told I could push. But Kristen reassured me it’s a great sign that my body felt the urge to push. Greg let the nurse know and when she checked me, I was 9cm! It felt so good to finally push! It was instantaneous relief. I had passed transition, and the code word was never mentioned again.

At 1:15pm Kristen suggested trying to use the toilet. I stayed there for a while, still feeling pushy. Doctor Thurston hung out in the bathroom with me, and they had put some blankets down on the floor just in case. She started to see the baby’s head! I was very comfortable where I was, but Doctor Thurston wanted to get me back over to the bed. She made a comment that she didn’t want the baby to be delivered in the toilet. I remember her being funny. Out of nowhere as I was waddling back to the bed from the toilet, a nurse came over to me and asked if two of her students could come in to watch to witness a “natural birth”. I think I was on the verge of a contraction; I didn’t have much time to think about it, so with a bit of annoyance in my voice I quickly said, “that’s fine”. It was almost 2:00pm and I had made my way over to the side of the bed, where I leaned over and started pushing again. Greg was holding my arms from the other side of the bed and supporting me as I bore down. Everyone could see the baby’s head now. Maybe 25 minutes later I said, “at what point can you just reach up there and grab him?” I was getting tired of pushing. I think the doctor said something like, “I can but I know you want to do this yourself, and you’ve got this. You’re so close.”

Somewhere around 2:30-3:00pm I climbed up on the bed to try pushing on my hands and knees for a while. Then I laid down on my back, Kristen got out a rebozo scarf and had me hold one end while Greg held the other. I was pushing with all the energy I could muster. At this point there were probably 8-10 people in the room, 4 of them being the doctor, Kristen, Greg and my mom – essentially a room full of nurses cheering me on. It was a bit strange because it wasn’t what I envisioned but at the same time it felt empowering. At 3:10pm Doctor Thurston checked the baby’s heart tones and said it was time to get the baby out, his heart rate was dropping. I felt somewhat scared in that moment and thought, “I have got to get him out!” so I pushed as hard as I possibly could, but my perineum would not give. Doctor Thurston asked me if it was okay to cut a small episiotomy to get him out, and I said it was fine. I remember thinking, “this is it; I’m finally going to meet him.” At 3:15pm she made a tiny cut, I pushed, and Ellis was immediately born and placed on my chest. I felt such relief and immediate love looking at my sweet boy. He didn’t make me wait. He decided to enter the world on his estimated due date, 8/29/22.

-Katelyn Ballard 

I laid down in bed at around 9:30 the night of my birthday, after Taylor left for work and the random contractions started up again. I stayed up for a couple hours after they started and they went from being an hour apart to about 15-20 minutes apart. I finally fell asleep at around 12:30ish only to wake up at 3:00am in horrible pain - with contractions between 8-10 minutes apart. The pain kept getting more intense, so about an hour later I called my mom to ask her what she thought. I was scared to call Taylor home from work if it was just a false alarm, but she said I needed to call him. So 5am, I call him and he comes straight home. His mom comes over to wait with me and by 6am my contractions are 5 minutes apart, so we headed up to the hospital! We were in the triage room for HOURS before the doctor came in to check me. And of course, during those couple hours, my contractions slowed down and were back to about 15 minutes apart. When the doctor finally came in and checked me, I was 3cm dilated and 80% effaced, with Finn at a -2. So they decided to send me home, saying that it could still be another couple days before he decided to come. Which pissed me off. I didn't see how I could be in SO much pain and still have a few more days. 

So, we walked back to the car and started heading for home. No joke, by the time we got home, contractions were back to 5 minutes apart and I was dying. I got in bed and tried to rest, but as soon as I would fall asleep, I'd wake up from a contraction. The pain was steadily getting more intense and I was shaking like I had been out in the snow for hours. I tried to eat and drink some, but it just made me feel worse. Sitting on the toilet during crazy contractions has to be the most uncomfortable feeling EVER. 

But I decided to run a bath to try and ease the pain a bit. Contractions were about 4 minutes apart at that point, but I didn't want to go to the hospital again just to be sent home, so I tried to stick it out as long as possible. The water did help a lot, but it got to the point where I was just getting mad because the tub wasn't big enough to get comfortable in. By the time I got out, they were 3 minutes apart and I  couldn't walk or talk through them at all. So, I had Taylor call my mom and tell her to meet us back up at the hospital again, and we headed up there. Another awful feeling - contractions while being confined in a car. Especially when they're that close together! OUCH! 

Got to triage and they came in a lot quicker this time. I had dilated to a 4 and 90% in an hour and a half, so they decided to admit me. YAY! I was so relieved. They moved us over to L&D and I labored for a couple more hours. By 4:00 I had a few contractions that made me sob. I couldn't stop crying, so at that point my breathing couldn't be controlled, so the pain felt even worse. I had been laboring for 13 hours with no pain control and I just couldn't do it anymore. I had gotten 2 hours of sleep in the past 31 hours and I was dead. So, I asked for an epidural. They checked me right before I got the epidural (at 5:30) and I was still at a 4 but 100% effaced. 

The epidural worked at first, then they hooked up the pitocin on a really low drip, and I fell asleep. Only to wake up two hours later in excruciating pain. I felt everything on my right side and was starting to feel it go across to the left too. I asked the nurse to fix it, and they tried to move me around to even it out, but Finley didn't like that too much. He started to stress out. I told them that I was starting to feel a lot of pressure. They had mentioned breaking my water soon, and as soon as I mentioned that, I felt a little pop and a gush. I told the nurse and she checked me and I felt another huge gush. I asked her where I was and she said I was 10cm - 100%. Well no wonder I was feeling a ton of pressure, Finley was coming out. They didn't even have everything ready when he was crowning. And I couldn't help but feel like I needed to push. As soon as they got everything set up, they told me to push. The first couple pushes were awful, I wasn't sure what I was doing. But I got the hang of it by the second set. And my god, I could feel everything. Which I'm glad I could. The epidural worked long enough for me to rest and get some strength back, but then fail so I could feel my body telling me what I needed to do. I pushed for less than 20 minutes, and he was out! I couldn't believe it. I saw him and immediately started crying. I had no idea what was going on around me, I just couldn't stop starting at him. I think I reminded the nurse to wait for the cord to stop pulsating. They placed my sweet boy straight on my chest and I just stared at him. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! 

Taylor cut the cord, and then we just sat there and stared at our sweet boy for the next hour. I tried breastfeeding and the little man latched right on like a champ! 

I didn't sleep much at all the first night. Apparently I was bleeding more than was normal, so they kept coming in to check on it. Then at about 5am, two nurses came in and one of them put these gloves on that went up to her elbows. Proceeded to reach in and remove any clots that she could find... UP TO HER ELBOWS! The morning after I gave birth. After getting stitched up. (2nd degree tear) Sweet lord, did that hurt! Then they gave me a shot and a few rounds of pills after that to help the bleeding stop.

That whole next day was hard and emotional. Visitors coming in, I couldn't get Finley to latch any more, I was in pain. I just wanted to be left alone and try to figure things out with my baby. It was so hard.  I was so relieved but nervous to go home. Those first two weeks were so harder than I ever expected. Hormones, trouble nursing, bleeding nipples. I dreaded every time he latched because of the pain. Thankfully we worked through it and found a good routine! FInley will only sleep on my chest, so I guess we're bed sharing now. 

Starting with the days leading up to his birth.. after 39w3d passed (the gestational age Finley was when he was born) I completely gave up on guessing when Milo would come. I honestly felt like I could be pregnant for several more weeks. I had stopped letting the questions from people get to me, and I was just doing my best to soak in the final days of being pregnant. Physically, I still felt good, and emotionally I was doing okay too. I had finally stopped with the anxiety of “it could happen tonight!” And was sleeping normally (as normally as you can at almost 40 weeks pregnant) I went for several walks in the days leading up to his birth, and was really trying to get him in a position where he was putting pressure on my cervix, because I had a feeling that that’s what was holding labor up. 

So, on Wednesday, March 17th, i talked to Janelle about seeing her for another prenatal (we hadn’t scheduled one for that week, in hopes that I’d have baby before then) so we planned for me to go see her on thursday at 4, and I was gonna bring all the kiddos to meet her new chickens! The weather was supposed to be super crazy that afternoon, so I had also joked about maybe having a tornado baby, because of course that would happen to me 🤣 

So that night (Wednesday) I was laying in bed with Millie, rolling into different positions to try and figure out how to get him to move and put pressure in the right spot, and ended up propped up and laying on my back. Almost immediately, he started squirming a tonnn, and I felt his head grinding into my cervix. Not a comfortable feeling, but I knew that’s where he needed to be. I stayed in that position for probably 20ish minutes, while watching one of my murder shows in ID 😆 and then rolled over to go to sleep. Ended up sleeping great, and was excited to get to sleep in a little bit, because the boys were to have e-learning on Thursday, and I wouldn’t have to be up to drive them to school. So 6:20am rolls around, and I wake up to a mild contraction. Hmmm. Feels different than my achy, crampy BH I’d been having lately, but still not getting my hopes up. Also, I only go into labor at night, so this can’t be anything.. about 20 minutes later, I have another one, then again about 20 minutes after that. I end up texting Taylor saying “possibly having some early labor contractions. Not positive yet” He then makes the decision to just call into work, which I’m thankful for! So I lay in bed for a while longer, and he gets the boys set up for school. I’m still randomly having contractions. Nothing timeable, but they’re starting in my lower back, and wrapping around to the front. So around 7:50, I text Janelle and let her know. And then text our photographer, Leslie, and told her the same. 

I ended up getting up, eating some breakfast, helped show Taylor what to do with the boys’ school work. I vacuumed, swept the floors, and cleaned up randomly throughout the morning. Took a shower. I started getting things set up in my room “just in case” because I still wasn’t sure. This middle of the week, daytime, random contraction, slow moving labor was so confusing and not what I was used to, so it was throwing me for a loop! (The other three came on the weekend, and my labors all started around 12:/12:30am, and Millie’s and Rowan’s were hard and fast from those first real contractions) 

At around 11:30, I messaged our moms to tell them that -maybe- today was the day. Which also happened to be Kristi’s birthday, so she was extra excited! By that point, everything in the room was set, minus the birth pool, but it was laid out and ready to be blown up. I sat on my ball and ate some soup for lunch. Still no discernible pattern. Like, they’d go from 12 minutes apart, to 20 minutes, there was an hour between two, then back down to 15 minutes. It was so confusing. I laid down again with Millie, around 12:30, hoping to take a nap. She fell asleep, but I couldn’t. The storm that was forecast ended up hitting during that time. (No tornado, but was still pretty intense for a short period) and I just remember feeling so relaxed during it. I love storms, so hearing the rain, and wind, and thunder was such a peaceful feeling for me. The contractions were still irregular, but they were definitely getting more intense. I knew at that point that getting out of bed was what I needed to do to get things moving, but I just wasn’t ready yet. So I laid there until around 3:00, and worked up the mental/emotional energy I knew I’d need, because I just knew as soon as I got up, things would get intense and move quickly. So between 3-3:45 contractions went from about 15 minutes apart - lasting 45 seconds, to 6-7 minutes lasting a minute to a minute and a half, and increasing in intensity. I had text Leslie again earlier and she had mentioned how she wondered if they wouldn’t necessarily become super consistent before things picked up, and she was definitely right about that. 

I think it was about 3:30 that I text my mom and told her to head over. I was starting to feel like I needed pressure on my lower back (back labor is no joke, guys) so the sooner she could get there, the better. Then at 3:45ish I text Janelle and told her that I thought things were getting real, and asked her when we should fill the pool, and when she thought would be a good time for her to come, and she said now would probably be a good time 😆

At that point, I had told one of the kids to tell Taylor it was time to do the pool. He blew it up and filled it super quickly and quietly, which I was super thankful for! And then let all the kids know that we were probably having a baby soon (I hadn’t told them at all about having contractions all day, because I knew they wouldn’t be able to focus on school, and I wouldn’t be able to focus my energy on being in labor) so they were beyond excited when it was pool time. They had been praying every night for weeks for baby pancake to come out, and it was finally happening!

This whole time, after getting out of bed from “nap time”, I had been sitting on my exercise ball, leaning on the foot of my bed during contractions. It was the only position that felt comfortable through the intense back labor contractions. After Taylor finished with the pool, he got the kids out of the room, and I sat there, listening to my labor playlist, enjoying the glow of the twinkle lights I had set up, with my affirmation cards hanging from them, lavender in the diffuser and my aroma ring in, my happy homebirth candle lit, and just kind of let everything go. I had this huge emotional release and I started sobbing. Not from pain, or sadness, I honestly don’t even know where it came from, but I just let the tears flow as I listened to the music, and just let myself feel everything as I held my belly, and thanked God for this moment. Not long after that, Joye arrived, then Janelle and my mom. I had my mom press on my lower back through a couple contractions, then Leslie got there. Janelle then did a hip squeeze during a contraction, and I started feeling like I needed to bear down, and was a bit surprised by that. That was around 4:45ish, I’m guessing. Because right after that, I got into the pool. They were boiling water to add to it because it wasn’t super warm, but it was comfortable, and felt better than sitting on the ball. - so I get in, on my knees, leaning forward, with my arms resting on the edge of the pool in front of me, and laid my head down. Each contraction from then on was my body working on pushing Milo out. And each contraction I had to have Janelle doing counter pressure on my back super hard. It was amazing how I didn’t even have to speak to her, I just gave her a quick little glance over my shoulder, and she knew what I needed. I remember asking her if she needed to check my dilation, and she said no, she didn’t have a medical reason to, unless I was curious about where I was. I said no. She then said “it’ll come out, and then we’ll know you were 10cm” 😂 seriously guys, she’s the best. 

That first half hour in the tub, the kids were out with Joye, and Kristi arrived and came in to say hello. So, I just silently worked through contractions, body pushing. I remember at one point, Taylor holding the hose and letting the hot water run over my back, and that was the most amazing, relaxing, comforting feeling in world. Seriously, hot water during labor = heaven! As I was getting closer, everyone (my mom, joye, Kristi, Finley, Rowan, and Millie joined me, Taylor, Janelle, and Leslie in our tiny little bedroom. The amazing thing was that even with all that going on, I was so deep inside myself, that I wasn’t bothered or could even comprehend anything going on outside myself. It wasn’t until I went back and watched the video I had from the livestream I did, that I realized how much was actually going on. The kids moving all over, touching me, talking, Leslie taking pictures, Janelle checking heart tones, and Taylor rubbing my back and arms, and trying to fix my hair (normally, all that touching would have driven me absolutely insane!) and The pushing contractions slowly got more intense as I progressed. I was definitely experiencing the fetal ejection reflex (FER) again, like I did with Rowan and Millie, but this time I felt like I had to help push a little along with it. So, with each contraction, the entire time I was in the pool, my body was slowly pushing Milo down, and out. It was probably about 45 minutes into this, that I started getting a little frustrated internally because with all the pushing my body was doing, I couldn't feel any progress happening. In my head, I was talking to baby, saying, "keep moving down, we can do this!" I said a little prayer that things would move quicker, and even said in my head "Oliver, I know you're here with me, please help me push through this" Which probably sounds absolutely insane, but that's where my thoughts were. Finally in those last 10-15 minutes, I could feel his head getting close. With the last two contractions, I reached down and could finally feel his head. I knew he was bigger because of how slowly he was moving down, even with how hard I felt I was pushing, and how intense the pressure was. As I pushed, I remembered that my water still hadn't broken, and was expecting it to happen at any moment (it broke with the others as I was pushing) As he was crowning, I tried my hardest to let him slowly stretch everything because I did not want to tear, I breathed and continued pushing, and finally his head was out.. and my water still hadn't broken. I had my hand on his head the entire time, and could feel the bag of waters bulging out around him, and it was the most incredible, and bizarre thing I've ever felt. I pushed super hard again, and was amazed at how much effort I had to exert to get his shoulders out too, but then slowly, the rest of him came out.. and I looked down, and realized he was born en caul (his amniotic sac was still completely intact, with him just chilling inside!) In the moment, I couldn't really comprehend how incredible it was, and I just reached down and grabbed him -  (it's extremely rare, and happens in less than 1 in 80,000 births, and is said to be a sign of good luck) I pulled him to my chest, and peeled off the membrane that was still stuck to his vernix covered body. He started crying almost immediately, and I just snuggled him, and kissed him, and the kids came rushing over, SO excited to finally meet baby pancake! He was born at 5:59pm (which was amazing, because Rowan was born at 5:59am) I am so incredibly thankful that they were able to be there, and experience me in labor, and to watch what a calm, peaceful, physiological birth looks like. I truly hope it's something that stays with them for the rest of their lives. I had originally wanted them to announce what baby was, but Taylor was so excited, and noticed pretty quickly that he was a he, so he went ahead and announced it. I was shocked. I was pretty sure that he was going to be a girl, based on my first trimester, and how certain Millie was, but NOPE. It was truly a surprise! 😄 I sat back against the side of the pool, and just couldn't stop staring at him. I knew at that moment that his name was Milo. We never decided on a name before, just had a long list of both genders, and wanted to decide when we saw baby, so it was a relief when it just popped in my head, and I truly just knew. (The middle name was a different story 😂) 

I was probably in there for a few minutes before it was time to get up and move to the bed to birth the placenta (because of the blood clot and blood thinners, I decided I wanted to get the shot of pitocin to help deliver the placenta quickly, and avoid any possible hemorrhage) so, with shaky legs, I stood up, holding Milo in one arm, with Taylor and Janelle supporting me, I stepped out of the pool, and over to the bed. Janelle dried me off and covered me in towels. I was shivering pretty intensely, between the adrenaline rush and just getting out of the water, but thankfully that subsided pretty quickly after my mom got in the bed and snuggled up with me. I held Milo on my chest, as Janelle gave me the shot in my thigh. I then gave a push and delivered the placenta. She assessed my bleeding, massaged my uterus (the worst part 😂) and I had no tearing! 👏We left Milo attached to the placenta for a while, and then I cut the umbilical cord. Shortly after that, I passed him off to Taylor for some skin to skin, and I slowly made my way to the bathroom to clean up, pee, and get some comfy jammies on. (It was so nice being able to do all of this in my own sacred, safe space, with my things, and not in a cold, bright, overly sterile environment, when that raw, uncomfortable moment is already intimidating enough.) Once I was back in bed, I tried to get Milo to latch a few times, but he couldn't really figure it out at first, so we just snuggled, while quietly in the background, everything was cleaned up, the birth pool was drained and deflated. After all that was done, Janelle did the newborn exam. (and the moms were making a birthday cake with the big kids, to keep them occupied)  He weighed 8lbs 14oz, was 21 inches long, with a 14" head. So yeah, he was 2lbs bigger than Finley and Millie, almost a pound bigger than Rowan, and his head was an inch bigger than all three of them, so the harder work getting him out made complete sense!  

*A few days after he was born, I went back and watched the video and realized that the song playing when he was born was Upward Over the Mountain, by Iron and Wine.. The same song that I started listening to when I was pregnant with Finley (and sob through it, every time) and it was the only song that would calm him down while in the car. And again when I was pregnant with Rowan. So the fact that of the handful of songs that were on my list, that was the one playing while another son was born, was so so special 😭

Everything was done, and everyone had gone home by like 8:30/9pm, Taylor and the boys fell asleep on the pallet, and I remained snuggled up in bed with Millie and Milo, eating a huge plate of fruit, crackers, meat, and cheese, and birthday cake. And then drifted off to a peaceful sleep. The perfect ending to a beautiful day. 

I feel like its taken me so long to write this out, because I was trying to process how I was feeling about the birth. Each one has been so different, and I wasn't sure what to expect from this one, but with all the excitement I had surrounding the idea of a homebirth, I thought the feelings looking back afterwards would be just as big, so I was a little confused when they weren't (but not in a bad way). Finley's birth was a learning experience. Rowan's was the hugely empowering, healing birth. Millie's was the crazy, intense, exciting birth. And Milo's... his wasn't crazy, intense, or overly exciting.. it was a calm, peaceful, hard, beautiful ending to a chapter. it was exactly what I needed. The best way to describe the feeling would be, it felt like coming home. (yes, that sounds cheesy, but it's absolutely true) There was no fear, no rushing, nothing unknown.. just safety and peace. Surrounded by people that I love, and who love me. It was everything beautiful that birth can be, and I am so incredibly blessed to be able to say that. 

Even if homebirth isn't for everyone, I wish so deeply that every woman wanted to experience the beauty and power of natural birth, and discover the incredible strength that we possess. You ARE strong enough. You ARE capable. There is no need to fear it! ..That deep pride and spiritual connection with our bodies. Nothing will ever come close to replicating that feeling in me. I am forever thankful for my experiences, and the amazing women who helped me discover my power. 

If I had to choose one word for this birth, it would be “intense”...

Starting with the day before Millie was born.. Saturday I was so tired and irritable all day. Had an upset stomach, but no other symptoms aside from those. Laid down in bed with Rowan at around 8:00 that night. Probably fell asleep at about 9ish. Woke up at 11:20 to pee, fell back asleep and then at 12:30 exactly (I looked at my phone to check) I had my first contraction. Woke me up immediately. I knew this was different from the false labor ones I had had a few days before. It was strong and powerful from the very beginning. Opened the timer app and started timing. Next one was 11:12 after the first. They went from 11 to 7 minutes within the hour. All lasting longer than a minute, including the first one.  Still every single contraction was strong and intense.  As strong as the ones I experienced during transition with Rowan. I was a little nervous thinking about how in the world I’d stay on top of these for hours upon hours if I had to. I called my mom at 2am - she told me to get up and try walking around, drink some tea and see what happened. That was not fun. They got even stronger and closer together. By 2:30am, they were about 4.5  minutes apart. I was really having to focus on relaxing my hands, mouth, and shoulders and breathe through. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to get into the tub at the birth center because I knew it would ease up some of the pressure. With every contraction from that point, I could feel her head moving down and it felt like my water was going to burst at any second. Told my mom it was time to come. Her and Andrea headed this way! After talking to her, I got up and dressed, woke Taylor up and after a few more contractions (still about 4-4.5 minutes apart, lasting a minute and a half) to call his mom to head over. I had originally said “tell her she doesn’t need to rush” but I’m glad she did! I then had him call the midwife, which I think was around 3:30, right before my mom and Andrea showed up. Bethany was on call, and she said she’d be at the birth center in about 25 minutes. I thought, okay, we’ve got plenty of time! At this point I had gone from laying in bed, then sitting, then to the bathroom, then to hands and knees, leaning on my yoga ball in the living room. I remember one contraction while sitting on my bed, I had to lean back and hold my butt up with my hands a little and I could feel her head move down slowly. Such a surreal feeling. A minute after my mom came, I had a 2.5 minute long contraction and needed her to push on my lower back through it. Every contraction after that, I need that strong pressure on my back to make it through. Thinking back, that contraction was obviously the beginning of transition and I didn’t quite realize it because everything had been so strong from the first one. Still, contractions were only like 3.5 minutes apart.. I had maybe two that were a little less than three minutes, but for the most part, 3.5 - 4 was the average. After a few leaning on the ball, I decided to get changed into my bathing suit top just to be ready to leave whenever it was time. Grabbed my stuff and headed to the bathroom. Had one mildish contraction (mild for this labor, anyways) and then got dressed super quick, and then a huge one, and at the end of it, I started feeling pushy. I yelled for my mom. She helped me through the next one by pushing on my back. Body starting pushing again. I told her and she told me to stop. I yelled at her “ I can’t stop, I can’t control it!” I was super grumpy by this point and couldn’t stand anyone talking through the contractions 😂 I told her we had to go NOW. I asked if Joye had gotten here yet, and she had, just then. Thank god! I think I yelled to Taylor that Millie was coming and we had to leave right this second. I didn’t have time to get shoes or a coat on. Luckily I was wearing slippers. Grabbed a blanket off the couch and waddled as fast as I could out to the car. Finley was in the living room (they had been camping out on the floor that night) and I told him I loved him.  Taylor threw the stuff in the back and we took off. We live a mile away from the birth center, thank the lord. I had one contraction right before we backed out and my body was pushing hard. We pulled in, and Taylor ran to the door, and it was locked. Bethany wasn’t there yet. My mom opened the door to the car and I heard that, and freaked. Yelled at her to shut the door, had another pushing contraction and yelled “I’m gonna have this baby in the freaking car!” I could feel her head moving down. I reached and felt, but didn’t feel her head quite yet. I then looked out the window (I had been sitting on my knees, leaning backwards on the seat) and saw someone unlock the birth center door. The nurse had gotten there literally a minute or two before us - I hopped out of the car as fast as I could. Super waddled, said to the nurse, Sarah, as I was walking in “I’m already pushing” and then followed her to the room. She asked my name and wheeled in the cart with everything she needed. I leaned against the side of the bed as Taylor tried to figure out how to fill the tub. She got the Doppler out and was trying to find Millie’s heartbeat, but couldn’t figure out where she was, and I was getting a little irritated. Bethany showed up at some point during that, the nurse found her heartbeat, low on the right side, then said she needed to listen through a contraction. I was still pushing. Grunting. Unable to stop it. Bethany said it’d be a good idea to take my pants off after that contraction. I needed to go to the bathroom first. Ran in there, prayed I wouldn’t have a contraction on the toilet. Thankfully didn’t! Walked back out, looked at the tub and noticed it still wasn’t ready. I remember Taylor noticing and saying “I know you’re trying so hard to hold out until it’s filled!” I told him if he was going to get his swim shorts on to get in with me, now was the time. Had another contraction, then he went to change.  I turned around and looked at Bethany and asked her if she needed to check me or anything.. she giggled and said “nope!” (I had zero cervical checks throughout the pregnancy and labor) I turned around and braced for another contraction. I felt her head move down again. I reached down and could feel her crowning. Body kept pushing and her head was slowly still coming. Bethany said to just breathe slowly and let her come. I did. Felt a little burning, my water then broke all over my hand, and the floor, and her head came out with it, and then immediately her body. At 4:13am, January 7th, I was holding my daughter in my hands, with Bethany down below helping so she didn’t fall on the ground. Taylor then came out of the bathroom as I was lifting her up onto the bed. He was literally in there for one minute, so he was shocked (as was I) at how fast it happened. He said he didn’t think anything was happening other than another contraction because my tone hadn’t changed. Just the same primal grunting sound I had made before. (The sound is as uncontrollable as the urge to push is.) I cannot even describe how amazing it felt, to reach down, feel her head, the pop and gush of the water, feel every bit of her body come into my hands. I birthed and caught my own baby. How many women get to experience that anymore?! I stood there for a few minutes looking at her happily, and in shock. Waited for the cord to stop pulsing, then Taylor got to cut it. He grabbed her and did skin to skin while I climbed on the bed to deliver the placenta. Super uncomfortable. After all that, I had zero tearing! Once we were settled, Bethany and Sarah figured out that we had been at the birth center for a total of 11 minutes before Millie was born. I couldn’t believe it!
After I got all cleaned up, I snuggled in with Millie and she latched on right away. After awhile, they weighed and measured her and checked her over. 6lbs 14oz and 19inches. Head and chest were both 33cm. So when Sam (the other midwife I saw at my last appointment) felt her and guessed “right under 7lbs” she was spot on! My itty bitty little girl! Born at exactly 38 weeks. Joye brought the boys up shortly after, and they immediately fell in love. They were ooh-ing and ahh-ing over her tiny fingers and toes, and her little ears and nose. They kissed her and loved on her, and then of course went to explore the birth center. And ended up taking a shower in the giant bathroom, and swinging on the birthing swing 😂

From start to finish, my labor was 3 hours and 43 minutes. I had a feeling the whole pregnancy that it would be quick, but not THAT quick! It explains why my contractions were so intense and strong from the start. My body and Millie worked so hard together and I had the most amazing experience. I didn’t have another waterbirth like I had planned, and my mom didn’t get to catch Millie like we had planned, but she got to be there and help me through my labor, and Andrea got to experience her first niece being born, and took absolutely amazing pictures, and I got to bring my daughter into this world with my own hands. I cannot thank God enough for this experience. The fact that Bethany trusted me and my body to birth the way I wanted and needed to, made me feel so confident and strong. I can’t even explain how proud I am of myself. I am so thankful for how different my three births have been. Hard, peaceful, and intense. But all so beautiful. Every woman deserves to feel this strong and empowered! We are home now (we were home by 10am yesterday - 6 hours after Millie was born) and enjoying all the newborn snuggles. The boys are doing so amazing with her. Coming in to hold and kiss her constantly. I love this sweet little family 💜

Cannot believe I'm about to write out my birth story... Holy moly! Let me start by saying that I was in COMPLETE denial. It's so different  going into labor when you don't expect it for a couple more weeks than it is when it hits you out of nowhere. Apparently those BH weren't BH at all.. They were legit contractions I was having randomly throughout the day. I literally had no signs of labor other than those and being more irritable/emotional. Never lost my mucous plug, never had diarrhea (sorry) , never felt weird or "ready"
So after that last post I made, I went to bed (around 10:30pm) and ended up waking up at 12:30 having, what I thought, were more Braxton-Hicks. They hurt, but they didn't feel anything like the contractions I had with Finley, so I was POSITIVE that they weren't real. Finley ended up waking up crying shortly after I woke up, so I brought him into our bed. Trying to console him through a "contraction" (denial) wasn't very fun. But he fell back asleep really quickly. They kept coming and after a while I figured I'd try timing them just to see. I was tired and just wanted to sleep but I couldn't fall back to sleep without another one waking me up.. I started timing them at 1:00 and they were about 7 minutes apart, lasting a minute long. Sent that picture to my mom - totally still in denial that I might be in labor. I did not believe I could be for a second! Kept timing them, and by 2:30 they were 5 minutes apart and lasting a little longer than a minute... Still in denial. At that point I decided to get out of bed and go to the bathroom because I had to pee and that was making them more painful. As soon as I got to the bathroom I started getting all shaky. Told my mom that and she said I needed to wake Taylor up and call the midwife nowww. Still in denial. So at 3:00, I woke Taylor up and said he might need to call his mom to come stay with Finley because we mighttttt need to head to the birth center. By 3:20, Joye was on her way and my contractions were 3 minutes apart. We had called the midwife (it was Kim who was on call, which ended up being amazing because she was the one I had seen at the majority of my visits) And yes, I still didn't believe I was in labor. Taylor got all the bags by the door and I hung out between the bathroom and the couch. I ate a mango Popsicle and drank some coconut water and had Taylor put pressure on my back during contractions. At that point I had stopped timing them because it seemed pointless. We headed up to the birth center at close to 4. Had one contraction right when we pulled in and then another right before Kim checked me. I had no expectations for any sort of huge dilation because stubborn me didn't believe I could possibly be in labor, and if I was, it had only been 3 1/2 hours, so we had to have a ways to go... Ummmm, nope, I was already dilated to an 8. The shock that I experienced... Haha! I guess I WAS in labor, and we weren't that far off from meeting our little boy! I stayed sitting on the bed and rocked back and forth while the tub filled up. Taylor diffused some lavender and massaged my back with arnica oil. I remember Kim checking Rowan's HB with the Doppler through one of my contractions and he ended up getting the hiccups - that was an interesting sensation! - The other midwife, Sam got there while I was on the bed and helped Kim gets things ready. Once the tub was filled, I got in (it was probably close to 5:00 by that point.) The water definitely helped with taking pressure off of everything and relaxing me. I kept my eyes closed throughout this whole time, just breathing. I can't believe I never really made a sound until I was actually pushing. I was so calm, I surprised myself. Anyways, I decided to get out of the tub to go pee, had a contraction on the toilet. Kim said to let her know if I was feeling "pushy" at all, and I honestly wasn't sure. I felt a lot of pressure, but didn't know if that counted. So I walked back to the tub and stood leaning over the edge through a few contractions. Had to moan a little through those and Kim said I was sounding like I was getting close to pushing, so if I wanted to get back in the water, now was the time, so I did! Not even a few minutes after I got in, I definitely felt pushy and my body just kind of took over that part. I was sitting with Taylor supporting me from behind. My body "pushed" a few times and Kim asked if she could check me to see if she could feel his head.

She said I had a small amount of cervix still there and it would probably help to lean forward on the tub in a squatting position. Lord did that help! My water broke during one of those pushes. Through the next few contractions by body went into crazy pushing mode. It was the strangest sensation and definitely felt better than the actual contractions. Until his head got close. That hurt. I could feel him coming down and those few minutes were the only part of the entire process that I felt out of control for a second. I was able to reach down and feel his head crowing and then pushed it the rest of the way out during the next contraction. The only time I actually felt like I was helping my body push was when his head and shoulders came out. I felt so much pressure and some burning and then once his head was out, it was a short period of relief and then I pushed like hell to get his shoulders out. And then instant relief. Taylor said I sounded like an Amazonian woman when I was pushing. I'd say that's pretty accurate. Definitely couldn't control the sounds I was making at that point. Very low, growling craziness. It was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. At 5:59am, 5 1/2 hours after my labor began, Kim reached down and handed Rowan right to me and I was just I shock and so happy and felt a million amazing emotions all at once. I kissed his sweet vernixy head and I was in love! It took him a minute to cry, but I think he was just so peaceful coming out of the water that he didn't feel the need to right away. After the cord stopped pulsing, Taylor cut it and did skin to skin while I climbed out of the tub and onto the bed to deliver the placenta. It's amazing to me that I was able to get up and walk around and feel completely normal and amazing minutes after giving birth. I held him skin to skin and he started nursing shortly after. We stayed snuggled up for a while. Then they checked him out, weighed him and measured him  8lbs 0.7oz, 21 inches long. Head and chest were both 13.5. He was perfect and BIG for being born at 37w6d. After about an hour and a half, Joye came with Finley and he got to meet his new baby brother! It was the sweetest thing in the world! He kept saying "Rowan! Rowan! Brother!" And kissing him. My heart nearly exploded. Over the next 6 hours, they checked both Rowan and I and then it was time to go home! The amount of time I was awake from when I went into labor and then finally slept again was about 24 hours (with only two hours of sleep before that) but the rush of hormones and the clarity I had from not being on drugs made me feel like I could stay awake forever! It's just now catching up with me.

It was such a peaceful, beautiful, perfect birth experience. Everything I could have ever hoped for!