Starting with the days leading up to his birth.. after 39w3d passed (the gestational age Finley was when he was born) I completely gave up on guessing when Milo would come. I honestly felt like I could be pregnant for several more weeks. I had stopped letting the questions from people get to me, and I was just doing my best to soak in the final days of being pregnant. Physically, I still felt good, and emotionally I was doing okay too. I had finally stopped with the anxiety of “it could happen tonight!” And was sleeping normally (as normally as you can at almost 40 weeks pregnant) I went for several walks in the days leading up to his birth, and was really trying to get him in a position where he was putting pressure on my cervix, because I had a feeling that that’s what was holding labor up.
So, on Wednesday, March 17th, i talked to Janelle about seeing her for another prenatal (we hadn’t scheduled one for that week, in hopes that I’d have baby before then) so we planned for me to go see her on thursday at 4, and I was gonna bring all the kiddos to meet her new chickens! The weather was supposed to be super crazy that afternoon, so I had also joked about maybe having a tornado baby, because of course that would happen to me 🤣
So that night (Wednesday) I was laying in bed with Millie, rolling into different positions to try and figure out how to get him to move and put pressure in the right spot, and ended up propped up and laying on my back. Almost immediately, he started squirming a tonnn, and I felt his head grinding into my cervix. Not a comfortable feeling, but I knew that’s where he needed to be. I stayed in that position for probably 20ish minutes, while watching one of my murder shows in ID 😆 and then rolled over to go to sleep. Ended up sleeping great, and was excited to get to sleep in a little bit, because the boys were to have e-learning on Thursday, and I wouldn’t have to be up to drive them to school. So 6:20am rolls around, and I wake up to a mild contraction. Hmmm. Feels different than my achy, crampy BH I’d been having lately, but still not getting my hopes up. Also, I only go into labor at night, so this can’t be anything.. about 20 minutes later, I have another one, then again about 20 minutes after that. I end up texting Taylor saying “possibly having some early labor contractions. Not positive yet” He then makes the decision to just call into work, which I’m thankful for! So I lay in bed for a while longer, and he gets the boys set up for school. I’m still randomly having contractions. Nothing timeable, but they’re starting in my lower back, and wrapping around to the front. So around 7:50, I text Janelle and let her know. And then text our photographer, Leslie, and told her the same.
I ended up getting up, eating some breakfast, helped show Taylor what to do with the boys’ school work. I vacuumed, swept the floors, and cleaned up randomly throughout the morning. Took a shower. I started getting things set up in my room “just in case” because I still wasn’t sure. This middle of the week, daytime, random contraction, slow moving labor was so confusing and not what I was used to, so it was throwing me for a loop! (The other three came on the weekend, and my labors all started around 12:/12:30am, and Millie’s and Rowan’s were hard and fast from those first real contractions)
At around 11:30, I messaged our moms to tell them that -maybe- today was the day. Which also happened to be Kristi’s birthday, so she was extra excited! By that point, everything in the room was set, minus the birth pool, but it was laid out and ready to be blown up. I sat on my ball and ate some soup for lunch. Still no discernible pattern. Like, they’d go from 12 minutes apart, to 20 minutes, there was an hour between two, then back down to 15 minutes. It was so confusing. I laid down again with Millie, around 12:30, hoping to take a nap. She fell asleep, but I couldn’t. The storm that was forecast ended up hitting during that time. (No tornado, but was still pretty intense for a short period) and I just remember feeling so relaxed during it. I love storms, so hearing the rain, and wind, and thunder was such a peaceful feeling for me. The contractions were still irregular, but they were definitely getting more intense. I knew at that point that getting out of bed was what I needed to do to get things moving, but I just wasn’t ready yet. So I laid there until around 3:00, and worked up the mental/emotional energy I knew I’d need, because I just knew as soon as I got up, things would get intense and move quickly. So between 3-3:45 contractions went from about 15 minutes apart - lasting 45 seconds, to 6-7 minutes lasting a minute to a minute and a half, and increasing in intensity. I had text Leslie again earlier and she had mentioned how she wondered if they wouldn’t necessarily become super consistent before things picked up, and she was definitely right about that.
I think it was about 3:30 that I text my mom and told her to head over. I was starting to feel like I needed pressure on my lower back (back labor is no joke, guys) so the sooner she could get there, the better. Then at 3:45ish I text Janelle and told her that I thought things were getting real, and asked her when we should fill the pool, and when she thought would be a good time for her to come, and she said now would probably be a good time 😆
At that point, I had told one of the kids to tell Taylor it was time to do the pool. He blew it up and filled it super quickly and quietly, which I was super thankful for! And then let all the kids know that we were probably having a baby soon (I hadn’t told them at all about having contractions all day, because I knew they wouldn’t be able to focus on school, and I wouldn’t be able to focus my energy on being in labor) so they were beyond excited when it was pool time. They had been praying every night for weeks for baby pancake to come out, and it was finally happening!
This whole time, after getting out of bed from “nap time”, I had been sitting on my exercise ball, leaning on the foot of my bed during contractions. It was the only position that felt comfortable through the intense back labor contractions. After Taylor finished with the pool, he got the kids out of the room, and I sat there, listening to my labor playlist, enjoying the glow of the twinkle lights I had set up, with my affirmation cards hanging from them, lavender in the diffuser and my aroma ring in, my happy homebirth candle lit, and just kind of let everything go. I had this huge emotional release and I started sobbing. Not from pain, or sadness, I honestly don’t even know where it came from, but I just let the tears flow as I listened to the music, and just let myself feel everything as I held my belly, and thanked God for this moment. Not long after that, Joye arrived, then Janelle and my mom. I had my mom press on my lower back through a couple contractions, then Leslie got there. Janelle then did a hip squeeze during a contraction, and I started feeling like I needed to bear down, and was a bit surprised by that. That was around 4:45ish, I’m guessing. Because right after that, I got into the pool. They were boiling water to add to it because it wasn’t super warm, but it was comfortable, and felt better than sitting on the ball. - so I get in, on my knees, leaning forward, with my arms resting on the edge of the pool in front of me, and laid my head down. Each contraction from then on was my body working on pushing Milo out. And each contraction I had to have Janelle doing counter pressure on my back super hard. It was amazing how I didn’t even have to speak to her, I just gave her a quick little glance over my shoulder, and she knew what I needed. I remember asking her if she needed to check my dilation, and she said no, she didn’t have a medical reason to, unless I was curious about where I was. I said no. She then said “it’ll come out, and then we’ll know you were 10cm” 😂 seriously guys, she’s the best.
That first half hour in the tub, the kids were out with Joye, and Kristi arrived and came in to say hello. So, I just silently worked through contractions, body pushing. I remember at one point, Taylor holding the hose and letting the hot water run over my back, and that was the most amazing, relaxing, comforting feeling in world. Seriously, hot water during labor = heaven! As I was getting closer, everyone (my mom, joye, Kristi, Finley, Rowan, and Millie joined me, Taylor, Janelle, and Leslie in our tiny little bedroom. The amazing thing was that even with all that going on, I was so deep inside myself, that I wasn’t bothered or could even comprehend anything going on outside myself. It wasn’t until I went back and watched the video I had from the livestream I did, that I realized how much was actually going on. The kids moving all over, touching me, talking, Leslie taking pictures, Janelle checking heart tones, and Taylor rubbing my back and arms, and trying to fix my hair (normally, all that touching would have driven me absolutely insane!) and The pushing contractions slowly got more intense as I progressed. I was definitely experiencing the fetal ejection reflex (FER) again, like I did with Rowan and Millie, but this time I felt like I had to help push a little along with it. So, with each contraction, the entire time I was in the pool, my body was slowly pushing Milo down, and out. It was probably about 45 minutes into this, that I started getting a little frustrated internally because with all the pushing my body was doing, I couldn't feel any progress happening. In my head, I was talking to baby, saying, "keep moving down, we can do this!" I said a little prayer that things would move quicker, and even said in my head "Oliver, I know you're here with me, please help me push through this" Which probably sounds absolutely insane, but that's where my thoughts were. Finally in those last 10-15 minutes, I could feel his head getting close. With the last two contractions, I reached down and could finally feel his head. I knew he was bigger because of how slowly he was moving down, even with how hard I felt I was pushing, and how intense the pressure was. As I pushed, I remembered that my water still hadn't broken, and was expecting it to happen at any moment (it broke with the others as I was pushing) As he was crowning, I tried my hardest to let him slowly stretch everything because I did not want to tear, I breathed and continued pushing, and finally his head was out.. and my water still hadn't broken. I had my hand on his head the entire time, and could feel the bag of waters bulging out around him, and it was the most incredible, and bizarre thing I've ever felt. I pushed super hard again, and was amazed at how much effort I had to exert to get his shoulders out too, but then slowly, the rest of him came out.. and I looked down, and realized he was born en caul (his amniotic sac was still completely intact, with him just chilling inside!) In the moment, I couldn't really comprehend how incredible it was, and I just reached down and grabbed him - (it's extremely rare, and happens in less than 1 in 80,000 births, and is said to be a sign of good luck) I pulled him to my chest, and peeled off the membrane that was still stuck to his vernix covered body. He started crying almost immediately, and I just snuggled him, and kissed him, and the kids came rushing over, SO excited to finally meet baby pancake! He was born at 5:59pm (which was amazing, because Rowan was born at 5:59am) I am so incredibly thankful that they were able to be there, and experience me in labor, and to watch what a calm, peaceful, physiological birth looks like. I truly hope it's something that stays with them for the rest of their lives. I had originally wanted them to announce what baby was, but Taylor was so excited, and noticed pretty quickly that he was a he, so he went ahead and announced it. I was shocked. I was pretty sure that he was going to be a girl, based on my first trimester, and how certain Millie was, but NOPE. It was truly a surprise! 😄 I sat back against the side of the pool, and just couldn't stop staring at him. I knew at that moment that his name was Milo. We never decided on a name before, just had a long list of both genders, and wanted to decide when we saw baby, so it was a relief when it just popped in my head, and I truly just knew. (The middle name was a different story 😂)
I was probably in there for a few minutes before it was time to get up and move to the bed to birth the placenta (because of the blood clot and blood thinners, I decided I wanted to get the shot of pitocin to help deliver the placenta quickly, and avoid any possible hemorrhage) so, with shaky legs, I stood up, holding Milo in one arm, with Taylor and Janelle supporting me, I stepped out of the pool, and over to the bed. Janelle dried me off and covered me in towels. I was shivering pretty intensely, between the adrenaline rush and just getting out of the water, but thankfully that subsided pretty quickly after my mom got in the bed and snuggled up with me. I held Milo on my chest, as Janelle gave me the shot in my thigh. I then gave a push and delivered the placenta. She assessed my bleeding, massaged my uterus (the worst part 😂) and I had no tearing! 👏We left Milo attached to the placenta for a while, and then I cut the umbilical cord. Shortly after that, I passed him off to Taylor for some skin to skin, and I slowly made my way to the bathroom to clean up, pee, and get some comfy jammies on. (It was so nice being able to do all of this in my own sacred, safe space, with my things, and not in a cold, bright, overly sterile environment, when that raw, uncomfortable moment is already intimidating enough.) Once I was back in bed, I tried to get Milo to latch a few times, but he couldn't really figure it out at first, so we just snuggled, while quietly in the background, everything was cleaned up, the birth pool was drained and deflated. After all that was done, Janelle did the newborn exam. (and the moms were making a birthday cake with the big kids, to keep them occupied) He weighed 8lbs 14oz, was 21 inches long, with a 14" head. So yeah, he was 2lbs bigger than Finley and Millie, almost a pound bigger than Rowan, and his head was an inch bigger than all three of them, so the harder work getting him out made complete sense!
*A few days after he was born, I went back and watched the video and realized that the song playing when he was born was Upward Over the Mountain, by Iron and Wine.. The same song that I started listening to when I was pregnant with Finley (and sob through it, every time) and it was the only song that would calm him down while in the car. And again when I was pregnant with Rowan. So the fact that of the handful of songs that were on my list, that was the one playing while another son was born, was so so special 😭
Everything was done, and everyone had gone home by like 8:30/9pm, Taylor and the boys fell asleep on the pallet, and I remained snuggled up in bed with Millie and Milo, eating a huge plate of fruit, crackers, meat, and cheese, and birthday cake. And then drifted off to a peaceful sleep. The perfect ending to a beautiful day.
I feel like its taken me so long to write this out, because I was trying to process how I was feeling about the birth. Each one has been so different, and I wasn't sure what to expect from this one, but with all the excitement I had surrounding the idea of a homebirth, I thought the feelings looking back afterwards would be just as big, so I was a little confused when they weren't (but not in a bad way). Finley's birth was a learning experience. Rowan's was the hugely empowering, healing birth. Millie's was the crazy, intense, exciting birth. And Milo's... his wasn't crazy, intense, or overly exciting.. it was a calm, peaceful, hard, beautiful ending to a chapter. it was exactly what I needed. The best way to describe the feeling would be, it felt like coming home. (yes, that sounds cheesy, but it's absolutely true) There was no fear, no rushing, nothing unknown.. just safety and peace. Surrounded by people that I love, and who love me. It was everything beautiful that birth can be, and I am so incredibly blessed to be able to say that.
Even if homebirth isn't for everyone, I wish so deeply that every woman wanted to experience the beauty and power of natural birth, and discover the incredible strength that we possess. You ARE strong enough. You ARE capable. There is no need to fear it! ..That deep pride and spiritual connection with our bodies. Nothing will ever come close to replicating that feeling in me. I am forever thankful for my experiences, and the amazing women who helped me discover my power.
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